


Away

by Shay_Nioum



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Deceit does something selfish for himself, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Runaway Deceit, Runaway Deceit AU, Sympathetic Deceit, Sympathetic Remus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-06-28 03:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19803496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: There’s no point staying in a place that does not welcome and love you, there’s no point in causing yourself daily pain for people who would love for you to never exist again. That’s why he has to do this, to be selfish for himself, in a way that his host and the others could never grasp.





	1. Chapter 1

Walking in the real world was so much different than walking among the darkened halls of the subconscious mindspace, it was so strange let alone stupid to even say it, but everything felt more… real here as he walked down the street. His feet crunched the fallen leaves that lit up the ground in an array of oranges, yellows, and reds. Colors that had never once graced the walls of the subconscious, colors that he had only seen when rising to take the place of one of the main sides when he could. But even then, everything just looked so much more vibrant in the real world, the smells so much more crisper than ever before, and the sights… oh, the sights. 

Everything felt like it was in HD Imax without the stupid snake eye that Thomas had cursed him to be formed with, out here he could control that, the patch of scales that he had been forced to deal with ever since his creation was replaced with an equally smooth scar that etched itself over his discolored eye. It was a little bit different, and not exactly what he was going for, but then again…

Anything beat scales in the normal nature world. 

The mere idea of coming out here, dressed as he had been before was almost laughable, so much so that made him snort to himself. He had only spared the plain brown door of Thomas’ house a single glance, he had been walking for quite a while and looking back at it, it was little more than just a tiny speck among rows and rows of houses. 

He hadn’t regretted it, leaving that is.

“I hate him and his creepy scaley face!”

“Thomas is an honest person! There’s no reason for you to be around.”

“Don’t let him ever come back around here Thomas, there’s no reason for him to be here. Never!”

This had been a long time coming, he knew it and Remus knew it as well. The creative side could tell that something..eventually was going to snap, and Deceit along with it. Now that the others knew of Remus’ existence, the others could keep him in line. Make sure that he didn’t eat too many poisonous substances, that he didn’t get himself killed, and that he didn’t get too far out of line and hurt Thomas in the process. That..that was the last thing that he wanted, above all else, he just wanted him to be happy..to be sane and safe. To not feel constantly guilty over choosing himself above others, and for taking some time off to ensure he had a good mental situation. 

Unfortunately… he didn’t fit in with those plans. 

His presence constantly made Thomas upset, even more so than Remus’. Although he’s not entirely sure how such a thing is even possible at this point. 

“Are you certain about this Snake-on-the-go?” For once, Remus actually looked serious. More than serious...he looked just a tad bit desperate if Deceit was being honest. Like he wanted to seize Deceit and keep him there so that he could never leave the mindspace. Fortunately for the both of them in that moment, Remus’ limited self-control had that impulse covered. “Things could change, you said so yourself a few months ago. Right?”

He recalled how his lips stretched up into a pitying but equally numb smile, he had been feeling that way for a long while now. 

Numb.

Logan would have been proud.

Or not, the logical side didn’t exactly like him, just as the others didn’t exactly like to tolerate him either. So at the most, he probably would have received a narrow-eyed stare, and that was it. 

Regardless, however, the bland coldness that reflected in his eyes made an unconscious pout form on Remus’ lips. Deceit had watched over him for who knows how long, and now… he was leaving. Where the Duke had no idea, and no way of ever finding out. It must have driven him crazy to know that this one particular thing was completely out of his control, how that no matter if he begged or threatened… Deceit’s mind was made up, and there was nothing in this green and blue world that would ever change such a thing.

“Be careful,” The Duke blurted out, stubbornly crossing his arms as his eyes darted elsewhere, the frown tugging his lips into a downward slope was impossible to hide from the dishonest side. “Don’t accept candy from strangers, and don’t walk alone at dark. Because someone might sneak up behind you and kidnap you, and take you to a fighting ring where you might have to face off against a mountain lion, or a bear, or..or a wild hog. Their tusks can stripe the meat off the bone in just a few minutes Dee! And their hide is really thick, so don’t take any chances when you-”

Remus’ rambling words cut off in an instant and his body went completely lax as Deceit lunged forward, his arms wrapping themselves right around the rambunctious creative side, squeezing him tight. 

Remus squeezed him tighter, like an octopus wrapping its limbs around its prey. Faintly he could feel the other side burying his mustached face into his shoulder, attempting to make one-second stretch out into an eternity of waiting and biding his time. But they both knew that eventually, he’d have to let go, he’d have to let Deceit go, no matter how much he wanted to keep holding on. He really couldn’t blame him, especially since he wanted to keep holding on as well. To forget his plans of leaving and just keep hugging the side that had raised ever since his forceful separation, but eventually... all things had to come to an end.

In the end, Deceit made no promises. 

And soon enough he found himself in the outside world for the first time. Walking further and further away from the life he had once known. 

Away from the life that hadn’t wanted him, no matter how much he had wanted it. Away from family. Away from comfort. Away from scorn. Away from the judging eyes of the others.

And…

Away from his host, to a life of his own choosing. 

Towards something that he so desperately hoped would be better than what he once had, and towards something that could maybe bring back the spark that could give him meaning once more. 


	2. Homesick

If you would have told Deceit that he would have ended up missing the life he had ran so desperately from, he would have laughed, hard and right in your face. At least before he started hissing at you and telling you to run along now before something just so happens to accidentally happen to you. Honestly, he was damn certain that he would enjoy his life, a life he chose to have instead of having it forced on him, with a title he had never wanted, and never wanted to be judged forever for. Sure the first night had been bad, curled up under a lonely abandoned bridge with nothing but a sleeping bag and hopeful thoughts of the future to keep him warm as his first rain started to pour all around him. He had ended up wet, but even then… it was still better than going back to the other sides.. To Thomas and explaining what he had done. That he was too weak to handle what the outside world had to offer. 

He had been too cold to properly miss anything as he watched the rain drizzling in almost a mesmerized manner, to wet to miss anything except the comfort of his bed inside of the mindspace, and the warmth of accidentally falling asleep next to Remus after a horrific marathon of horror and SAW movies. 

But here he was, a month later sitting in his own apartment feeling so sorry for himself and looking like a complete wreck. 

“This is ridiculous,” Deceit hissed to himself as he angrily scrubbed at the tears that had accidentally started to drip down his cheeks, making the scar on the left side of his face tingle and itch angrily. “I’m gone, I’m free, I’m.. I’m actually feeling things nowadays! This shouldn’t be happening!” He snarled, thumping his gloved hands against the small table he had squished in the tiny kitchen of his apartment, making it precariously wobble back and forth and in turn make his tea spill a few drops on the stained surface. 

He angrily mopped it up, a scowl remaining on his face even as his eyes continued to burn with tears. 

He shouldn’t be feeling like this, he shouldn’t be wondering if the other light sides had even noticed he was gone, or if they even cared about him in the first place. He had his own place and his own life, so he shouldn’t..he shouldn’t…

He shouldn’t have missed them.

But he did, and that fact above all of the others infuriated him more than anything. 

Deceit stubbornly shook his head, “They hate you. They hate you. They hate you.” He kept the mantra going as he cleaned the table, before chucking the dirty rag in the laundry basket as he made his way to his bedroom. “They hate you.” He muttered again as he got dressed for work, pulling the tie so tight that he choked for just a moment before he loosened it enough to where he could breathe again. “They hate you.” He confirmed as he smeared the foundation over his scar hiding even it from the sight of the normal people around him. “They hate you…” He whispered one last time before he slipped his shoes on and left for work. 

Outside the ground was bathed in even more fallen leaves, he couldn’t take a single step without hearing that satisfying crunch ringing in his ears. It was just one of those things that brought a smile to his face, as he hopped from one of the cobblestone pieces to the next a soft melodic hum vibrating in his throat. 

The stores around him while wildly different all had the same stock. As ghouls, witches, vampires, and werewolf themed items all lined their shelves. October had barely even just started, and yet everyone was acting as if Halloween had already been kicked into gear. He couldn’t really say that it bothered him any, the act of dressing up, of scaring people with masks, and just pretending to be something that you weren’t as appealing to him. Even though the only thing he had really bought to commemorate the season was a faded rug that had a spooky-looking pumpkin on it from a thrift store that had been selling them for dirt cheap. It had been one of those gifts to himself that hadn’t cost that much, especially since he highly doubted that he’d be participating at all this year. 

Especially given the fact that he didn’t have a costume. 

It wasn’t like he could just slip back into Thomas’ mind and nab his scooby doo outfit without the other seeing him and having to deal with them and-

_ Oh _ .

The crushing sensation doubled as he stopped before the stain glass door of his employer, just the couple of seconds that it took to breathe..to refill his lungs with oxygen so that he didn’t feel so damn small and utterly smashed to pieces felt like they lasted for an eternity as his hand lingered on the brass doorknob. 

“Why now?” He bitterly asked, fighting the urge to rest his forehead on the cold glass of the door in front of him, “Why them?” He could feel the hand by his side curling into a fist, as the urge to smash the bright and colorful door that had cartoonish bat stickers all over it into a pile of shattered glass. He wanted to break something.. Anything really to relieve himself of this sensation that gripped him tight and refused to let him go, like a cobra that had finally caught its prey. 

It wasn’t fair. 

It was this thought alone that nearly made him burst into hysterical sobs, it was this that almost made him fall to his knees and just weep into his hands until he had nothing left to give. It really wasn’t fair, they probably didn’t even miss him. So why should he be so bothered by it..by missing them? 

It. Just. Wasn’t. Fair!

No matter how much he wanted to cry though, Deceit swallowed down his tears, his hurt, and his very limited regret and opened the door. Greeting the smiling face and bright bubblegum pink hair that beamed back at him, as he had been simply waiting for Deceit to show up. Honestly, he couldn’t help but to be reminded of Patton every time he saw that smile, no matter how he chose to respond to it, it would always be the same. A warm look, and the occasional cup of hot chocolate with extra cream and extra sprinkles waiting on his desk every morning. It made that tiny minuscule part inside of his heart throb with such an intense want that it almost made him breathless, being so pathetic as to wish that this sweet kindhearted man who had known him for only a month could be Patton..could be the moral side that he had always wanted to be on equal footing and discussion with. That is without resorting to dressing up as someone else and pretending to be his friend for the sake of an argument that none of them would never ever be resolved if they really knew. 

Instead of spouting any of that out loud he dropped his gaze to the ground offering a two-fingered wave, “Mornin Doc,” He mumbled, shuffling his way over to the reception desk he had worked at for just a month, and even so, somehow managing to be the longest-lasting receptionist to have worked for the guy who was somehow one of the highest-paid in his field. 

Then again, not too many people could handle his… specific excentricities. 

“Oh hush now Dillan!” The man giggled as he gushed over the new receptionist, beaming that perfectly stupid smile of his as soon as he saw Deceit coming through the door, “I’ve told you before, given our work setting, you’re free to just call me Emile!” 


	3. Chapter 3

As far as workdays went, and as given how many Deceit had actually worked in his entire life… it wasn’t entirely awful. The workflow of the day ebbed and flowed, as he checked in patients and answered calls, there was the occasional rude person who would call in and mouth off before Deceit bluntly and quite deliberately dropped the receiver back down. Of course, he couldn’t get paid to be mouthy right back at rude assholes who called thinking their time was the only one in all of existence, so this was really the best he could do given the circumstances of where he worked. And he quite liked it all things considered.

It certainly beat him having to plot his next move in the dark dingy basement of Thomas’ mind while attempting to make Remus stop shoving a fork in an electrical outlet, even though… it really was hard to not look back on those particular moments with just a little bit of fondness. How Remus would hum as the dishonest side furiously worked over his plans, singing horribly macabre songs that had way too much mutilation and sex in it. It had kind of been their thing, and for Remus, it had always been a distraction to help him from completely losing himself to his work. 

A hand waved in front of his face, abruptly snapping Deceit out of his moment as he saw his patient out the door. 

“Heyo you little peridot,” Emile’s face beamed back at him with “that” smile, the smile that lit up his entire face and then some. “Who’s coming in next? Because, I’m hankerin for some pancakerin, what about you?” One of his hands hung from off the edge of the countertop while the other drummed his fingers in a steady beat, Deceit couldn’t help but for his eyes to linger on the ring that neatly fit on the man’s finger. It was pitch black, but the shiny kind of black, like oil that had spilled onto the ground reflecting an almost rainbow-ish color. 

Deceit felt his heart for the second time that day sink into the very bottom of his stomach. 

“Steven Universe characters? Really?” He snarked back, forcing the smirk onto his face, even if what he felt in that very moment was the complete opposite of a confident smirk. He dragged his eyes away from the ring that seemed to glint almost tauntingly at him, and back towards the computer on his desk. “You’re free until two, plenty of time for lunch in my opinion. So have it, you funky amethyst.” Hopefully, that would be the end of the conversation, and Emile would leave it at that, and leave him to his mental sulking as he rested his cheek on his hand half-heartedly clicking away on the computer to play a rather short game of Snake. 

He didn’t see how Emile’s eyes completely lit up, and he most certainly didn’t see the nervous excitement that made the man still standing in front of him grinning from ear to ear. 

“You watch Steven Universe Dillian?” 

That should have been his first inkling to just deny everything and to take a quick but swift exit for his lunch break. But dragging his eyes up from his computer, Deceit found himself pinned to his seat as soon as he locked eyes with the therapist who looked absolutely besotted by this new information that he had been given. Deceit stammered and struggled to come up with an acceptable answer, no one… no one had ever looked at him like that before. No one had ever grinned at him, and looked so happy to just have him sitting in their presence. It was.. It was an entirely new experience, as he felt the warmth bubbling and boiling in his chest, chasing away the lingering feelings and thoughts that had clung to him since he had gotten up this morning. 

He felt… happy? 

Deceit felt a flush of shame crawling over his cheeks as they warmed, “I uh..” He quickly dropped his eyes from Emile’s warm brown eyes. “I have a brother who likes to watch it… but personally, I’ve never seen it. I wasn’t really..allowed to?” Deceit cringed for a second, as his words came out sounding much more like a question than a definite answer that would satisfy someone like Emile. 

For a split second, Emile’s lips that had been fixed into a happy go lucky grin dropped into a steep almost serious frown that appeared to change his face completely. Emile wasn’t a man for frowning, that was for damn sure and he couldn’t help the spike of alarm struck him like a javelin straight through the chest. Had he said something wrong? Had he revealed too much about the life that he had once come from? Was Emile… disappointed in him? Or had he simply just talked too much for the other man, and now his cheerful facade had dropped once he had grown annoyed with him?

The thoughts whirled around in his head like the sickening jerking actions of a rollercoaster. 

Emile scratched at the back of his head, “Well…” He mumbled almost shyly, “If you’re not apposed to it, I have a few episodes saved to my phone. If you’d like to watch them.” 

Deceit stared blankly back at him, “But this is your lunchtime.” He stupidly replied, “You’re free to go and do whatever you want, why would you want to spend it with-” Deceit roughly snapped his mouth shut as soon as concern spread like a wildfire over the doctor’s features. “You don’t have to force yourself to.” He lamely finished, feeling the sharp prickling of shame crawling on the back of his neck like a swarm of ants chewing on his flesh. 

He should have lied. He should have lied.

He could have said anything! That he had a prior engagement, and that he already had plans to eat with someone, that he didn’t like cartoons, or even that he had planned to catch up on some sleep during his lunchtime. He could have fucking lied, but instead, the truth came spilling out like a tipped-over glass of milk. 

Some master of deception he was…

“Dee,” Deceit felt his blood freeze as soon as the familiar nickname graced Emile’s tongue, and for just a split second his heart rate skyrocketed like a bottle rocket whizzing off into the air. The image of Remus bugging him with that very nickname, came to his mind. As as the long lost memories of muttering that same nickname after a particularly bad nightmare, came into his burdened mind. “You are my friend, you realize that right?” Looking up at him through his eyelashes, Emile didn’t look annoyed at him. 

He looked… soft. 

There was no other word for it.

Somehow Emile’s expression softened even more as he took in the expression on Deceit’s face, the look that told him the other man didn’t quite believe him, even as he wore a patient careful smile so that he didn’t scare the receptionist off. “You are my friend, and I don’t know if anyone has told you this before but… I do like to spend time with you, and it wouldn’t be a waste to spend some free time with you. I enjoy hanging out with you.” He earnestly told Deceit, he didn’t know why those particular words came to mind, but that didn’t make them any less true. 

Deceit chomped on the inside of his cheek, forcing down the sob and the tears that threatened to escape him and make him look like a complete and total fool in front of his colleague. How many times? How many times had he showed himself to the other sides, to Virgil and the others, just to be turned away because he was a liar? Because he was Deceit, and naturally that meant he was evil and just a wicked snake. How many times had be been ignored? 

He had lost count.

“I…” Deceit cleared his throat as soon as his voice cracked, “I’d love to watch Steven Universe with you. Pull up a chair.”


	4. Chapter 4

“So what are your plans for Halloween?” 

Looking up from his partially eaten sandwich and his thermos full of rapidly cooling tea, Deceit quirked a single eyebrow back at Emile as the doctor looked at him from his slouched position against Deceit’s desk. It was already the middle of October, and with the frightful chill that had gripped the city, everyone was acting as if Halloween was just around the corner. Personally, he didn’t see what was so great about, Thomas had thought about it plenty, and had participated in it plenty until he had been too old to keep going out. Eventually, he had settled for just giving out candy, but even then, it was a holiday that Deceit didn’t really pay too much attention to if he was being entirely honest. That was how it went for just about every holiday, the light sides had always cared about those kinds of things a lot more than the others ever had. It was just a fact of life, they didn’t do that kind of thing.

He answered with a half-hearted shrug, before he dragged his eyes back over to the tiny screen that was precariously propped up against his worn and threadbare lunch box. They had been breezing through the surprising number of episodes that Emile had saved on his phone. 

“I dunno,” He finally mumbled, his fingers drumming in a monotone beat against the surface of his desk. “I’ve never exactly celebrated before so-”

“WHAT?!” Emile’s extremely loud and sudden exclamation earned him a sharp flinch from Deceit, as the other man’s spine straightened almost instantly at what Deceit could only guess was somehow terribly horrific news. “You’ve never celebrated… like at all?” He questioned, his warm brown eyes seemed to dissect Deceit’s slow and unsure nod, as if Emile was a grenade about to go off yet again. “Do you want to? Celebrate it I mean?” 

At Emile’s earnest look Deceit felt himself deflate just a little bit as his hands slid into his lap, where he fiddled with his thumbs a little bit. 

Emile most certainly didn’t understand it, but every single time he offered, and every single time he suggested doing something with his own free time with his colleague he always seemed to get so bashful and… well surprisingly shy about the subject. There was no way that he could have known what the real reasoning behind it was, but it always made his heart feel unbearably heavy to see that look that would cross his friend’s mismatched eyes. Like in a past life, with someone he didn’t know… someone hadn’t been that kind to Dee, someone had excluded him and left him completely alone to fend for himself. He doubted it was ‘just nothing’ as his friend liked to say, he wasn’t a therapist for nothing. But…

It was one of the very few things that made that ticker in his chest burn with a protective rage that would have rivaled even that of Te Ka after her heart had been taken from her. 

Deceit snorted out aloud, disrupting Emile from whatever internal thoughts he was having at that moment. “I’m not sure if you’re aware Em, but where I live isn’t exactly conducive to tricker or treaters, I’m certain that just last week some dude got stabbed in the gut over a jug of milk.” This wasn’t exactly far from the truth, but it was probably best if Emile didn’t know the full details of his living arrangements. It wasn’t exactly professional to go on a rant about how his heating was no longer working and the landlord was being too snooty to even think of wasting the money to fix the damn thing, so he had resorted to heating up water bottles just so that he didn’t get too cold in the middle of the night. 

The lack of sleep was entirely worth it, if it meant staying warm and not getting sick. 

“What a sour way to go,” The other man jokingly said right back at him, and for a moment Deceit was split between the idea of beating himself over the head with his own thermos at the terrible pun, or just snorting at it again in the hopes he wouldn’t have to hear another one. He chose the latter of the two. “Anyways,” Emile straightened himself up, a bright warm smile darting across his lips. “That isn’t what I meant, why don’t you celebrate with me? My place usually gets trick or treaters all the time, and my partner wouldn’t mind the extra company. I’m absolutely positive that he’d love you! You could spend the night and just come with me to work the next day if you’re good with that.” 

Deceit felt the energy in his body fly right out of his body at that one word. 

Partner. 

Fucking partner. 

He didn’t know why he felt like a dementor had just sucked the soul right out of his body, leaving him chilled right down to his core, bone-weary, and so very very tired. But just watching Emile rattle on and on, he couldn’t help but to stare without really hearing any of the words that were being said to him. His mouth felt as dry as a sandy desert, but even so, he didn’t trust himself enough to even think about picking up his thermos to take a sip from it. Surely his hand would shake, or he would drop it and Emile would ask why. And he’d be forced to either tell him the truth or..or lie right to his face about why he was acting so weird. 

The very notion.. just the thought of it twisted his stomach like someone had just reached inside of him to fiddle around with his internal organs. 

“Dee?” 

Deceit’s head snapped up in one quick motion, almost immediately locking his eyes onto Emile’s worried one that worriedly stared back at him. 

“Are you okay? You don’t have to celebrate it if you don’t want to, I was just offering and-” 

Before Emile could so much as get a single other word out, Deceit felt his hand jerk forward like he was a puppet being led on a string, as he seized Emile’s hand. The motion itself felt almost detached from his very person, like he wasn’t actually the one doing it, as well as the nervous flighty smile that felt all wrong on his face as he gave the other’s hand a gentle squeeze before abruptly dropping it to his lap. His mouth felt even drier than ever, and swallowing was no help at all as he merely smiled again counting the seconds that he hadn’t said something when Emile was clearly expecting him to. 

He swallowed again, “I’d love to celebrate with you and your partner, I think that it would be…” Terrible, disastrous, horribly embarrassing, and a complete trainwreck. So many other words that could possibly describe how the night would turn out with him and Emile’s so-called partner. Who would without a single doubt in his mind, hate him. “Absolutely wonderful.”

The beaming smile that he got in return said it all, as the other man turned back to his phone pressing the play button so that they could continue to watch their cartoons for the rest of their break. Deceit couldn’t even focus on what he was seeing on the screen, as the all-encompassing dread and fear weighed down on his chest threatening to crush his lungs into a bloody pulp until there was nothing left. 

He was well and truly...fucked to hell and back. 

And now, there was no getting out of it. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Deceit stared solemnly back at his vibrant green and yellow scales that reflected the faint lighting as he looked in the mirror of in his small cramped bedroom, the weeks felt like it had just come and gone, and before he even knew it Halloween was here. He should have been looking forward to this, like Emile so clearly was, but the dreaded pit in his stomach had only grown and grown as each day slunk on by. He’d listened to Emile rattle on so many times about Halloween night, just what they would do when it arrived, and just how excited the other man’s partner was to see him for the first time. Deceit didn’t have the heart to tell him that each and every time that this partner was brought up, he felt like full-on vomiting from nerves alone. 

Plucking the eye shadow brush up from its little pouch, he made quick work of his eyelids, covering the reddish hue around his eye with a vibrant shade of green and yellow with little touches of black. It smoothly blended into the scales that he was allowed to be shown onto his face for just tonight and tonight only, “I guess doing Remus’ eyeshadow really was good practice after all,” He mused, as a half-hearted smile formed on his lips, before it vanished altogether. 

Remus would have loved this. 

The gore, the horror movies, having dark humor, and dressing up as whatever they wanted… He would have gone hog wild over this kind of thing, and honestly… it would have been fairly fun to watch him do it. To watch him scream, scare kids, to ring the doorbells of several places before bolting away, to just.. to just see him having some fun. 

It would have been nice. 

He roughly shook his head, “Don’t,” Deceit warned himself, forcing himself to not delve into those feelings he had burned and buried deep inside of him. Emile wanted to have fun and dress up tonight, so that was exactly what they were going to do. So there was no point in dwelling on things that would just constantly make him sad and angry, he was here, he wasn’t there anymore and he wasn’t going to be there anymore. He had decided that a long time ago. “You can do this,” He told himself sternly, locking eyes with his reflection. Those mismatched eyes stared back, “It’s just one night, you can handle one night. You handled thirty years living with people who hated you, Emile likes you, he’s said so. His partner-”

His partner was going to hate him, god why was he agreeing to do this. Emile was a lucky chance, one of the only people who didn’t look at him and hate him right off the bat. But this partner of his… oh god, he was going to fucking hate him everything about him. He was going to tell Emile that he hated him, and make Emile stop hanging out with him. He’d lose the one person who actually somewhat liked him in his life. And-

Roughly shaking his head, making the extensions in his hair sway, Deceit’s fist slammed against the counter making pain shoot all the way up his arm as if he had been struck by lightning. 

“We are not doing this right now!” He snarled, seizing his overnight bag, his thermos, and the coffee cake he had made for the celebration. He was going to have as good as a time as he could, and by god, he was going to fucking enjoy himself tonight. 

Even if it killed him. 

All it took was one short bus ride to get to where Emile and his so-called partner lived. They lived in an apartment, like so many others in the big city that they lived in. Staring down at the hastily scribbled address on the torn piece of paper that Emile had given him, Deceit’s eyes darted up to the apartment number that was right in front of him. Nervousness welled up in Deceit’s throat, and for a second, just a single moment he contemplated leaving the coffee cake on the floor and just booking it back to his place. His grip unconsciously tightened on the dessert he had brought with him, squeezing the pan as his noisy breathing echoed in his ears and his heart drummed in his chest like a bird attempting to free itself from a cage. He was nervous, there was no doubt about that, and now… standing in front of the very place he’d been dreading for the entire month, he couldn’t even bring himself to knock let alone ring the doorbell. 

Deceit wasn’t sure how long he stood there for before he roused up the courage to finally raise his hand, his hand that was shaking so bad that it looked like he had just dipped it into a pot of icy cold water it was jittering so badly. 

But eventually, he did knock and the door swung open revealing the inside and just who had opened the door.

A tall thinly muscled man with his skin painted grey and messily drawn stitches answered the door, which in itself wasn’t too odd given the fact that it was Halloween, it was the glasses that he wore.. or rather the sunglasses that he wore despite the fact that he was inside of all places. A smirk scrawled itself across the man’s face, and Deceit felt his stomach go through a series of squirming summersaults. 

“Daaamn girl, Medusa herself? I like. I like.” He smoothly drawled, before raising a cup to his lips taking a loud series of long drawn out sips from whatever was inside as he looked him up and down in a ridiculously slow manner. Had Deceit not known any better, he would have thought that the man before him had about zero tact about the fact that he was so openly flirting with someone else. Except… as Emile had said before, this was just par for the course according to him. The fact that he was wearing a long white gown probably didn’t help matters either. “Your makeup be fine as hell girl, you gotta tell me what you used, and the scales? Perfect, they look as real as the real thing. Damn.” 

Okay, so maybe Emile’s partner wouldn’t hate him right off the bat. 

Lucky for him.

“I uh,” Deceit lifted the pan, diverting the man’s attention away from his scales, “I brought coffee cake, where should I-”

His words drifted off as the smirk that had been on the other man’s face transformed into a full-on beaming smile as he stepped back, finally letting him have entrance to their home. “Emie! Emiiiieeee! You didn’t tell me he could bake!” Remy practically crowed, in the direction of what he assumed was just another bedroom, “He made coffee cake Emie! Coffee cake!” 

Honestly, he wasn’t that good at baking. The coffee cake, in general, had been one of the only things that would settle Remus’ after swallowing so many things that weren’t really meant to be swallowed. Cookies, cakes, and ice cream was always Patton’s thing, but this.. this was one of the very few things that he could do ten times better than Morality ever could. It was one of the things that he felt legitimate pride in, all things considered, and one of the only things that could be counted as morally.. okay and not totally evil. Virgil had always kind of enjoyed it whenever he’d made it too…

Swallowing the swelling of emotions that had accumulated in his throat at such a thought, Deceit fixed a painfully fake smile onto his face as Remy stared at him the entire time he was setting the dessert down on the snack table. Turning around just in time to Emile come out of his room, showing off just what he had decided to dress up as. 

Deceit’s mouth dropped just a little, as Emile did a twirl making the fabric of his dress spin elegantly around him. “What do you think Dee?” Emile chattered eagerly, “I’ve been a few of the other gems before, but I wanted to give Rose a try? Do you like it?” He asked, just to pause as Deceit’s mind stuttered and failed to come up with anything interesting, fun, or wity to say in the face of someone so spectacular looking. He paled in comparison. “You don’t think it’s too girly or childish do you?” The other man added, when Deceit again failed to say a single word.

“Gender binary is a lie made up by the government, to give those in power a way to document and have obvious biases against people who were different than them.” The words tumbled out of Deceit’s mouth before he could even think about what the hell he was saying, his cheeks heated with a flush of shame that crawled all the way over his ears and down the back of his neck. “You look fine…” He ended in a hoarse whisper, as soon as silence greeted him, praying to everything above that this would save him from what he had said before. 

A loud cackling laugh answered his words, as Remy threw his head back, letting out a laugh that the neighbors would undoubtedly be able to hear and wake up to from miles away. Then again, they were probably no strangers to multiple noise complaints, that was if they hadn’t already soundproofed the walls after finding out just who they were living next to. 

“Oh damn girl, Emie where the hell did you find him?” Remy wiped away a tear from behind his sunglasses. “I love ‘em.” 

Deceit didn’t exactly understand the beaming smile that lit up Emile’s face as soon as Remy said this, nor did he understand the warmth in how Remy had said it in the first place. It was as if they were both having a psychic conversation, with him being none the wiser about all of it happening in the first place. Was this how couples were supposed to be, he didn’t understand one little thing about it. In fact, it was hard to understand either of them at all, they were both so...so weird, but he surprisingly didn’t hate that. Remy reminded him of Remus in an odd way, just as Emile reminded him of Patton. 

This too he didn’t hate, in fact… he kind of liked it. 

As soon as Remy’s arm draped over his half-bare shoulders, an entire pressure heaved itself onto him as he tensed. “I’m kinda low on Starbucks darlin, and we also need some more candy for trick or treaters. Me and Dee here are gonna go and pick some up, aight? Maybe chat along the way, you know...” Deceit swallowed thickly as Remy led him to the door that he had just come in from, looking desperately over to Emile his heart fluttered in a blind panic upon seeing that the other man wasn’t so much as looking at him as messed with the ruffles of his dress. 

He was doomed, this was it, Remy was going to lead him someplace dark and dismal to dump his body. Or or or…

Remy’s arm stayed draped over his shoulders as they made it to the sidewalk outside, he felt partially stupid for the way that he was eying all of the many ways that he could escape. Most people in stable relationships wouldn’t just murder someone, even if they didn’t know them. Remy wouldn’t..he couldn't… not with so many people around and-

“So,” Deceit’s eyes snapped up to look at the shades hiding the other’s eyes, “What did you do before you came to work for my Emie?” Small talk, okay he could definitely do small talk. Should he lie though? There wasn’t really an easy way to tell someone that he had been a part of another human’s mind, let alone that he had been the dishonest part of someone. 

How on earth was he supposed to say something like that, without being called crazy and put into the hospital, or just have weird doctors in lab coats poking him with needles?!

The eyes hidden behind those sunglasses must have seen more than he had let on, because Remy’s usual smirk softened into a calm neutral look. 

“You don’t gotta tell me if you don’t want to, especially…” His face turned dark, like a serious subject matter had just been breached and Remy for once was dropping his usual swagger to be entirely real with the shorter male next to him. “You don’t have to say a word if it’s something you aren’t comfortable with.. If it was bad… I get it, I really do. Just know this...” He seriously said, stopping for just a moment to stand in front of Deceit grasping him by the shoulders as he gave him a comforting squeeze. “You have the room to breathe with us, you don’t ever have to be scared about coming clean.. or saying anything at all. It’s okay. It’s okay...” 

In that very moment, Deceit felt something brittle inside of him shatter.

Remy had only a split second to steady himself before he found his arms full of the guy who had looked nothing but nervous upon coming in his home, who had such a pained look in his eyes, and who wore a mask, unlike anything that Remy had ever seen. He didn’t know what Dee was running from, or if he was even running at all anymore. He’d listened to Emile of course, when he talked about his colleague that was too scared to intrude anything onto him. Honestly, there was only one explanation that crossed Remy’s mind, and… he didn’t like it one little bit. 

So without the slightest bit of hesitation, he wrapped his arms around Deceit, pulling him closer as the other shook with the repressed sobs that he had been forcing down for what must have been months. He held him, and he did nothing but hold him. Even so, though, that was more than enough for him, it would always be enough for him. 

At least until…

“Deceit?” 

Everything came crashing down around him.


	6. Chapter 6

“Thomas?” 

Deceit’s terrified gasp filled the space of silence between the three of them, his makeup ran down his cheeks as he looked back at his host, although that certainly didn’t cover up how the color drained from his face as soon as his mismatched eyes landed on the familiar figure. He looked like he was about to be sick as he blindly grabbed for Remy’s sleeve, clenching it tight until his knuckles turned white. His breathing was loud in his ears as his heart painfully thudded in his chest, here was the person who had been partially responsible for how alone he had felt.. how ostracized he had been all because he was scary and his main purpose was “bad” and “evil”. A purpose that he hadn’t even decided on, one that was given to him without so much as a care in the world. A purpose he had taken and tried to do the right thing with, even if the others only saw him as evil. 

Until he couldn’t take it anymore. 

Remy’s hand was so warm that it practically burned as he seized Deceit’s wrist, pushing the frozen man behind him more than a little protectively as he glowered behind his sunglasses. “What did you call him?!” Remy had no idea who the guy was, or what his relation to Dee was given how alike they looked, but he didn’t give a damn. Dee looked downright terrified the moment that this Thomas guy had called him that name, and he wasn’t going to put up with it a second longer. “You know this clown Dee?” 

Deceit wordless seized the back of Remy’s shirt even tighter as he mutely nodded his head, a strangled whimper escaped his lips and that was the only answer that Remy needed. 

“Where have you been?!” Thomas ignored the guy blocking his sight from Deceit, he didn’t care who Deceit had manipulated into protecting him, he wanted answers. “Do you know how much of a mess things have been since you’ve been gone?! Do you know what Remus has done, and the damage control that’s been needed?” Thomas’ voice gradually rose into a shout as he stared accusingly back at Deceit, at that moment Deceit could easily tell that it was Patton doing most of the talking. “Do you know how selfish it was of you to leave like that?!” 

Something inside of Deceit crumbled like a soggy cookie at those words, of course, they hadn’t missed him. Him leaving might as well have been just another selfish act in the eyes of Patton, they have never wanted him around..but when he chose to leave he was still just another problem. They wouldn’t ever be happy, he’d always be a burden whether he was there or not. 

Of course, they still hated him, he had been right to tell himself that every single day. 

It just wasn’t fai-

“Shut up!” Remy snarled, the muscles in the back of his neck stood out as his fists clenched as if he was about to start swinging any second now. “Shut your stupid face, Dee is a goddamned adult and his own person. So fuck you and this gaslighting bullshit!” 

Looking back at Remy, he had never seen someone who consistently hid their eyes behind a pair of sunglasses look so damn expressive let alone furious. But here he was, someone who was not only angry… but angry FOR him. It was a new pill to swallow as he watched Remy’s jaw clench as his teeth ground together, all while Thomas’ continued to stand there with an unreadable expression plastered over his face and eyes. All his life he had been treated as less than, he had thought that it was just the way things were, for people to hate him as soon as they met him. But looking back at Emile, who offered so many things to him. Lunchtime cartoon sessions, the occasional packed lunch, the warm cup of cocoa on his desk each morning, and just… the warmest smiles. And then Remy, who he’d only met such a short while ago, already protecting him and mouthing off to someone he didn’t know. 

It sparked something in his chest...he wasn’t sure if it was fear, hope, or just trust. 

But with it, he knew what to do, as his heart raced in his chest, and his lungs felt as if a weight had been placed on them. 

“I’m not going back,” He told Thomas with as strong of a voice as he could, with honestly… wasn’t very strong at all. “There will be a new Deceit to take my place, I’m..I’m done being treated how I was. Done.” 

With his words ringing final, and terror rising up in his throat as what little courage he had left to face his host...he did the only thing that he could do in that moment of high stress and utter unadulterated cowardice.

He turned and he ran.

He ignored the sound of Remy’s voice calling out to him, just as he ignored the sound of Thomas’ voice mixing with it. He ran and he ran, even though the flats that he was running in really weren’t meant to be run in, he ran past the warm orange glow of trick or treaters making their way down several houses with a loud cheer that filled the air. He ran until he could no longer hear the others behind him, and he ran until the crowd of children and adults alike dressed in costumes eventually thinned out until there was nobody left. He ran until he got the unwelcoming side of the city, to where his apartment laid squished between two other apartment complexes.

The frost had already spread over all of his windows by the time that he made it back inside, the chill that hung in the air sank in his very bones by the time that he made it back inside somehow managing to lock the door with his shaking hands. 

Shambling over to the bedroom he slowly removed his costume and the hair extensions that had come with it, until finally, he was standing motionlessly in front of his bed. The apartment was dark and cold, and the freezing cold floorboards creaked with each and every movement of his feet, but at that moment… after everything that had happened in the past hour Deceit honestly could have cared less about any of that. Especially as a wave of exhaustion hit him like a sledgehammer, making his bones feel all the wearier. Sinking down into his bed, curling up among the sheets and blankets, it finally seemed to really sink in as his eyes burned and stung. 

“They really don’t care about me…” He finally whispered to himself, his bottom lip trembling as he clutched his pillow close to his chest. A part of him had hoped, had clung to that pure desperation to be loved, that the others would miss him would come looking for him and tell him how much they loved him. But… “They hate me.”

Tears cascaded down his cheeks like an open unstoppable waterfall, as his lonely empty sobs filled the apartment.

Running away had been one thing… but this… knowing for certain that the others didn’t care. It…

It was a hell of his own making. 

For the rest of the night, he wept and sobbed into his pillows, hugging them close until he couldn’t cry anymore, and when that time finally came, he fell into a fitful sleep surrounded by a cold apartment without a single hint of warmth to be found in it. 

The very next morning, as Emile anxiously waited next to Deceit’s desk, a cup of hot cocoa waiting just as it always was. And for the first time since he had started that job… Deceit didn’t show up.

Not this day.

Or the next.

Or even the one after that.


	7. Chapter 7

Staring blandly upwards at the rotating ceiling fan that weakly cycled cool air back down at him, Deceit faintly contemplated missing another day at work as the heat boiled beneath his skin, making everything feel hazy and just slightly out of touch. The fan above him barely did anything to quell his feverish skin as he momentarily closed his eyes, he felt way too hot and yet way too cold as well. His body ached to just allow him to have another day off, to ignore the constant ringing from his phone one more time, in favor of curling up into a small ball in the hopes that, that alone would ward off the fever that had gripped his body and refused to let go. 

But even he knew that he couldn’t do that, he couldn’t miss another day of work, considering if he still had a job with the two.. or was it three days that he had missed? 

Either way, his body might have wanted and begged to stay cocooned with his blankets and pillows, but he knew… that one way or another he had to make it in. Or else Emile really just might fire him.

 _They hate you._ His mind whispered as he sluggishly threw his legs over the side of the bed.

 _They hate you._ His mind taunted him again as he got dressed, his fingers fumbling with his tie before he simply allowed it to slip from around his neck landing soundlessly on the floor.

 _They hate you._ His mind repeated as he bent his aching body in order to slip on his shoes, completely forgoing his jacket as he made his way towards the door. 

_They hate you._ His mind deftly told him as he grabbed the keys.

“I know…” Deceit whispered solemnly to himself not even bothering to argue with the notion as he slipped out into the cold brisk morning, of freshly frosted roads and a faint splattering of rain coming down. 

It was a dreary morning, all of the mornings since that Halloween night had been dreary, but this one really took the cake as he shuffled his way towards his work. The rain quickly slicked his hair down in front of his eyes and tickled his nose, and got in his eyes as his feet shuffled through the frosty roads that had been salted the night before. It made an icy sludge that seeping into his feet, sweeping up his entire body the more he walked and the longer it took to get to the warm heater of Emile’s office. A sharp sneeze every now and then jarred him from the mindless drone of silence that filled his head as he walked, stopping him from being completely numb as he tried so desperately to sink into the bland nothingness he had felt before he had ever left the sides. 

“It was so easy before,” He mumbled tiredly to himself, “Why can’t it be easy now? Why did I have to suddenly realize how shit my life was with them? I could have just stayed numb to it all.. I wouldn’t be hurting if I could just be numb again…” Nothing really answered Deceit’s plight filled words, but then again, he never really expected anyone too. Just like before, he was completely alone in his suffering. Even Remus, as close as they had been, hadn’t really understood his reasoning. He had been alone, just like he was now. None of the sides had even thought to question if their incessant hatred towards him made him feel hurt, of course not, everything was all black and white to them. So he was stuck, just alone with his feelings.

Completely and utterly-

Deceit stopped dead before the stain-glass door of Emile’s office, a place where he had worked for a little over a month, a place that he had kind of grown attached to, and ironically… a place that now had a closed sign firmly placed on the front. A sign that Emile had never ever used on the days that he was supposed to be working, Emile was always in his office when Deceit was working in the front desk. Even his fever-addled mind could grasp such a thing.

Without even thinking, he reached forward to test the knob, only to feel a shiver of both shock and the fever-chills run through his body as the knob so easily turned. 

“I don’t know what to do Remy!” Emile’s voice graced Deceit’s ears as the therapist in question anxiously paced back and forth in his office while Remy stood in front of him. “He hasn’t been to work in four days! Four days! He’s never missed work, Remy! Never!” Emile jitterly said, tense lines pulled at Emile’s mouth and eyes. Making him look so much older than he actually was as he ran his fingers through his faded bubblegum hair. “I don’t know what to do!” He desperately said, sounding as if he was on the verge of full-on sobbing as he clung onto Remy’s shoulders. 

Remy honestly didn’t look much better.

His ever-present shades had been pushed up into his hair, giving Deceit the first view of his eyes that he had ever seen since meeting the man. He looked like he had slept in those four days either, among the fact that the corner of one of his eyes was littered in pale thin scars that seemed to tell a story with no language and no verbal words. He looked deadly serious as he ran his fingers calmingly through Emile’s messy hair, for a moment he said absolutely nothing as he closed his eyes, as if willing Emile to soak in some of his quiet composure. But it was only for a moment, as he kissed the top of his lover’s head.

“He hasn’t answered any of your calls?” Remy’s voice edged that of a calm nervousness as he slowly rocked Emile back and forth, Emile’s face burrowed itself into his chest as he roughly shook his head. “Well then..” Remy swallowed thickly, his grip tightening on the other man as he wracked his mind for ideas on just what to do and things that would alleviate his lover’s distress. “You have his resume right?” A tiny nod answered his question, “Then his physical home address should be on that, we can pop over to see how he’s doing and maybe see if we can help in any wa-”

“Wha’s goin on?” 

Within an instant, both Remy’s and Emile’s head snapped towards the very groggy and very tired familiar voice that broke off Remy’s plan before it could ever really start. As slouching more than standing, before them, was Deceit, his eyes glazed and a red-ish hue dusted over his face as he exhaustedly stared back at the two of them, he didn’t even blink when Remy slipped his sunglasses back on, nor when Emile charged forward like a protective bull protecting their child. He only groggily looked back at them when Emile cupped his face, only half hearing the words that rushed out of Emile’s lips. 

“Where have you been? How long have you been sick like this? Are you alright? What happened?!” Each question came faster and faster as Deceit lazily blinked back at Emile, not even processing half of what was being asked.

“ ‘m not sick…” He finally muttered, a tiny hint of a pout forming on his lips as he stared up at Emile, not entirely understanding the half pained and half concerned look on his colleague's face and the fear that seeped in his eyes. “My heater broke las week.. ‘M jus a lil cold is all, ‘ll be… I’ll be…”

Everything in the world blurred before him, Emile becoming just a swaying cloud of dim pink, and Remy becoming a hastily moving blob of black that raced towards him. His name echoed in his ears as the world started to fall away, the environment spinning more and more dizzily around him. Before it all rather abruptly, and without a single warning to him, dipped out of view as his knees weak as they had been, completely gave out from under him. Sending him and his fuzzy feverish head lurching towards the very pointy, and very wooden corner of his desk. 

Without even a second thought, Remy sprung forward as soon as Emile let out a surprised screech of horror, his shoulder roughly colliding with Dee’s side as his arms came to wrap protectively around the sickly side’s head. A rough grunt was pulled from his lips as his arms collided with the corner rather than Dee’s head, a collision that would no doubt bruise in the coming days. But it was a far better deal in comparison to what could have happened had it been Dee’s dear head that hit it instead. 

“Is he okay?” Came Emile’s hushed horrified whisper as he dropped his hands that had shot up to his mouth in sheer surprise as soon as Dee had dropped like a bag of potatoes. His fingers itched to reach forward as Remy readjusted his grip on the other man, so that he was holding him bridal style rather than letting his feet drag on the ground. He wanted to push his damp hair out of his face, to check his temperature with the back of his hand, to gently caress Dee’s ghostly white looking cheeks that contrasted so greatly with the circles under his eyes, to just… touch him and reassure himself that Dee was still alive even if he wasn’t all that well. 

Remy gripped him tightly in his arms, Dee’s breathing feeling much too shallow and short for his liking as his heart thumped worriedly in his chest. “I don’t know Em, he’s sick.. obviously, but…” The words escaped Remy for a moment as he stared down at Dee, the harsh rise and fall of his chest eliciting a worried spark that soon grew into an inferno as Dee’s lips parted a pitiful whine of some kind of pain escaping them. It made his worry, the worry that he had been consumed by that Halloween night grow even more. He didn’t know who this Thomas was, but the fact of the matter was, Dee was fine until he showed up, and now four days later, Dee was sick enough to not only miss work but pass out at said work. 

He didn’t like it, he didn’t like it one bit. 

“Come on,” Remy instead said, jerking his head towards the door that Dee had left open. “Let’s get him home.”


	8. Chapter 8

When he woke, Deceit opened his eyes to find himself surrounded by soft warmth that was tucked all around him and the smell of broth in the air. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the light around him, much less the faint background noise hushed voices and clinking objects. It took only a few seconds after that for him to realize that he was on a couch, and the warmth around him was dozens of towels and warm fuzzy blankets that had made a cocoon around him like he was a caterpillar forming a chrysalis in order to emerge as a butterfly. Stretching his legs out until the tips of his toes just barely brushed against the end of the couch, Deceit’s stretch ended as soon as the tickle in the back of his throat morphed into a couch. 

“He’s awake!” The hushed voice of Emile practically leaped around the door of his kitchen area, a mixture of relief and worry dampening his features as he made a beeline for Deceit. “How are you feeling?” He asked, barely giving Deceit any time to reply as he pressed his chilly fingers against his forehead feeling for the fever that was raging under the other man’s skin like a fiery inferno of hell. “You had both of us quite worried when you passed out like that, what were you thinking?! Walking in the rain like that, and with a fever no less? You could have just called me to let me know you were sick! You’re lucky that Remy is a nurse, otherwise, we’d both be in quite a bit of trouble, if I do say so for myself.”

As Emile rambled and rambled, Remy, smirked faintly from the chair that had been seated right across from the couch. 

He most certainly wasn’t new to Emile’s mother henning, and despite being a nurse there was no way in hell he was going to step in the middle of this when Emile was that worked up. It made him feel warm on the inside, to see Emile doting on the other man clearly worrying over the guy in a way that someone clearly had never done before. It would have been cute, had it not been so sad in the first place. 

Deceit, however, mostly just looked confused as he stared blankly back at Emile with his fever glazed eyes. “Why are you doing this?” He mumbled, only halfheartedly attempting to swat at the therapist’s hands, just to stop as the world around him jilted slightly to the side at any of his sudden movements. “Why?” He mumbled again, feeling that burning embarrassment along with his fever as the tears started to well up in his eyes. 

To his horror and shame, he couldn’t stop them as they started rolling down his cheeks. 

He didn’t understand the look on Emile’s face, much less the sudden seriousness that had gripped Remy as he looked up at pink-haired man, hoping for some kind of answer to the question that sent Emile reeling. 

“Why don’t you hate me?” 

He couldn’t help it, he honestly couldn’t as he jerked back his steps faltering as his fingers itched to cup Dee’s cheeks and wipe away the tears and whatever had caused them in the first place. “What do you mean sweetie? Why would I hate you?” Emile softly asked, as he finally settled on petting Dee’s hair as a rough hiccup crawled its way past the other man’s lips while more and more tears drenched the sick man’s face. He hated to see such a look on Dee’s face, the sweet face that always cracked a tiny smile when he made his cartoon references, the face that had lit up upon seeing him every day, and… and the sweet beautiful face that he had personally come to adore. It made his heart hurt just to even think of why he should hate such a sweet man in the first place. 

Remy’s hand settled on his shoulder as Dee tried to pathetically wipe away his tears with the corner of one of the towels that had been draped around his head. 

“Be..Because…” He wept the words out, stumbling over each one in a stuttering mess that Emile and Remy were all to0 patient to see through until the other was ready. “Because I’m me. I’m bad, e..even when I’m doing my job I’m a stupid no good snake.. I’m..I’m not any good. They didn’t even want me… so why should you? I was made for him and even then.. I wasn’t good enough.” 

Remy’s grip tightened for a brief second on Emile’s shoulder before it fell away as soon as the other man’s fists started clenching. Even as his eyes were hidden behind his sunglasses, Emile could read him as easily as a book. 

He was thinking about it again. 

Pushing up his sunglasses into his curly hair Remy stared back at Dee as he kneeled down beside the feverish man, he knew that the other could see the scars around his eyes that stood out against his tanned skin, but right now he didn’t care. Dee needed to know, and he needed to know now. 

“Listen to me,” He seriously said, cupping Dee’s balled up hand under the towel as he looked right back into those mismatched eyes. “We might not know you like they did, especially since we just met. But I promise you, Dee. I promise. Whatever you did, and whoever you were...you didn’t deserve how they treated you. You deserved respect, you deserved to be listened to, and you deserved to be treated like a human being. If they didn’t… that’s on them, not you. Do you understand me?” 

“But I-” 

Deceit tried, only for Remy to once again cut him off. 

“But nothing,” He gripped Deceit’s hand tighter, and it was only now that he could see how badly Remy was trembling as he spoke, unshed tears reflecting in his dark eyes. “Basic decency isn’t a ‘but’ kind of subject, no matter what… you deserve to have it okay? And they or whoever this he guy is… shouldn’t have taken it from you.” Remy sniffled a little once again fighting back the tears blurring his vision of Dee, feeling Emile’s knuckles gingerly rubbing against his back he smiled just the tiniest bit, they both knew how hard this was for him. “I don’t care how many times I have to tell you this, or how often… because it needs to be said until you can say it yourself. Okay?” 

For a moment, there was nothing but silence from Deceit. 

He laid there, on a couch that wasn’t his, in a home that didn’t belong to him, and with people he hadn't even known a couple of months back. But here he was, crying in front of them in a way that he never would have had he been with the other sides, all while spilling things that never would have ordinarily left his mouth if he were still with Thomas. 

Something cracked in his chest, “You.. you don’t even know me… or who I was.” He finally whispered, and the smile that came from Emile just about broke him even more. 

“Oh honey,” Deceit tried not to lean into the hand that rubbed his wet cheeks, “We don’t need to. You remember Rose right?” He blindly nodded his head, “Greg knew nothing about her, and he could have cared less. Because he loved her as she was now… not as she had been. And that’s the same for you, we don’t need to know… because it would change nothing about how we feel.” 

Deceit tried not to let his bottom lip wobble too much, as a small but incredibly happy smile curled on his lips. “Okay,” He merely whispered, the little seedling of hope and comfort blossoming inside him, unlike anything that he’d ever felt before. He’d felt sadness when he had first left Thomas, and he felt despair when Virgil had left, and he even felt guilt after leaving himself. But this… for the first time, he dared to let himself feel hope over such a small enough thing as having someone love him. It was.. it was such a nice feeling. 

“Now then,” Emile murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of Remy’s head as he wiped away the last of Dee’s tears. “How about some chicken soup for that cold?” 

Feeling himself smile, as the happiness shined in his eyes he nodded. 

“That… sounds perfect.”


	9. Chapter 9

Deceit woke to the sound of music coming from the tv and fingers lazily drifting through his hair, it was a feeling that sent pleasant tingles up his spine as he lazily stretched. His back curving like that of a cat that had just woken up from a warm summertime nap, and soon enough his head rested in the recipient's lap, making their nails curl across his scalp in a wondrous sensation of comfort as a chuckle came from the person above him. This honestly, was the best feeling in the world, being pampered and cared for, all while not having to worry that he was pushing too many boundaries all at once. It was… nice, he had to admit that. 

A soft warm chuckle rumbled the chest of the person that he was laying against.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been treated like this, especially when it came to the sides. The others had never been all that touch-friendly, except for when Virgil needed comfort from his nightmares and panic attacks, and even then… he usually didn’t want their touch. It was no secret that just about all of them were touch starved to hell and back, as well as the fact that there was nothing they could really do anything about it. 

The fingers curled around his hair, and a tiny spike of discomfort darted across his scalp. 

A tiny whine left his throat, and usually, that would have been the cue to lessen their grip and to resume rubbing his scalp. Except… the grip tightened, and the discomfort soon morphed into pain as those fingers wrenched at his hair. Jerking his head from where it had been resting on their lap, a sharp cry left Deceit’s lips as his eyes were forced upwards no longer allowed to be closed. 

“Good morning Deceit,” Patton’s sweet smile made Deceit’s stomach sink and warp as if it were a black hole consuming everything in sight, “You didn’t think that you could run forever did you? You had to have known we’d find you one way or another.” That warm soft chuckle rang cold in Deceit’s ears as those brown eyes stared heartlessly back at him. The world warped and distorted around him, making it so that it was Patton and just Patton that he could focus on. Nothing else.“You can never run… not from us. You’re one of us.. And one of them. You can never escape.” The grinning smile snapped at him, like the mouth of a sharp and just as bright as a crescent moon in the sky. 

All-encompassing. 

“No…” Deceit whispered, attempting to jerk and shake his head as much as he could in Patton’s iron grip. “No.. nonononono!” 

Patton’s grip distorted and dripped, like wax on a melting flesh-colored candlestick. “Deceit,” He whispered, “Deceit.. Deceit...Deceit.. Dee.. Dee… Dee-”

“Dee!” 

It was like he had been prodded with an electrical wire, as he shot straight up out of bed. His oversized washed-out shirt stuck to his back, as sweat poured from his brow and down the back of his neck all the way down his spine. On both sides of him, he was greeted by Remy’s terrified stare and intense grip as well as Emile’s soft worried gaze that fearfully looked back at him. There was no mistaking the looks that they were giving him at this very moment, the way that Remy refused to let him go as his shoulders just faintly trembled in the light of the barely risen sun. And the way that Emile was gingerly attempting to push Deceit’s sweaty locks back, or at least until he flinched from the simple gentle touch. 

Emile swallowed thickly, “Dee?” He whispered, his voice cutting through the thick silence that Dee’s gutwrenching scream had left behind. He could ask, he could ask what had bothered the other man so much that it had woken both him and Remy from dead sleep, and what had made him scream like he was being tortured alive. But… “Just breathe with me Dee.. it’s okay. Just breathe, we’re here.” He soothingly whispered, catching Remy’s eyes as his partner slowly rested his head on Dee’s shoulder mindlessly running his hand up and down Dee’s sweaty back. “We’ve got you.” 

“It was him again,” Deceit’s hoarse voice stopped them both dead. “It was Patton…” He murmured, attempting to fight the stinging of his eyes as his hands clenched and unclenched the fabric of the sheets. “I don’t know why!” He cried out, “He’s never ever hurt me..he’s nice..and sweet to the others and..and…” Once again he sank his fist into the slightly damp sheets as he gnawed on his bottom lip, at least until Remy silent finger poked at it, prompting him to stop. “He’s never once touched me, he might not have liked me but..but…” 

Once again Emile and Remy shared a look. 

“You ran away,” Remy murmured, tucking his face against Deceit’s shoulder as his fingers traced circles on Deceit’s veins. “Didn’t you… Run I mean?” He didn’t have to look up to see the bobbing of Deceit’s head as he nodded. 

“I tried to get as far away as I could.. but a part of me still-”

“Misses them?” Remy couldn’t help but to cut in, he had been lost when Deceit wrenched himself from between him and Emile screaming and howling like someone had just cut his arm off. But this.. this he knew all too well about, this he could understand far better than anyone could ever think that he did. On the surface, many people mostly saw just a sassy snarky guy with no care to those around him, but those who cared… those like Emile and Dee. They knew what really went on inside his head, how his fingers would occasionally rub the scars around his eyes, and just how some days he’d disappear without a word said to anyone aside from the sticky note he’d occasionally leave on the fridge. Not many understood Remy, but Dee did… and just like that he too understood the feeling that flew across Dee’s face.

He had lived it after all. 

Deceit’s grip on the sheets tightened, clutching it so tightly that his knuckles became white. “Am I wrong to?” He merely whispered, blankly staring ahead at the wall of their bedroom. 

And just like that Remy could feel the trembling that had died down rising once again, giving Emile a single glance he saw only a single nod from his boyfriend. “No,” Remy murmured back, his fingers trailing up and down Dee’s back once again, “No no no dearheart, it’s the most natural thing in the world to miss the people you grew up beside. To wonder if they miss you, and even to miss them back regardless if they did or didn’t like you. It’s only been a year dear, it’s been five for me and I still wonder what goes through their head.” Remy’s fingers drifted over Dee’s knuckles, before stopping completely over his hand. “Do you want to see them?” 

Just like that, the oxygen in Deceit’s lungs froze. 

Did..did he want to see the other sides after everything that had happened? After Thomas had seen him almost a year ago before he had full-on fled from him like a damsel in distress? What would be the point in seeing them? What if they..what if they tried to make him come back? What if-

The dripping smile of his nightmare rose back up to the surface of his mind, a Patton that wasn’t the real one but..but just real enough.

What if they tried to hurt him?

A shiver crawled up and down his back before settling on the base of his spine. “W..would..” His voice cracked for a second, before he cleared his throat summoning what courage he had been collecting over the year of living with Emile and Remy. “Would you come with me if I did?” 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Emile’s fingers brushed against his sweaty flushed cheeks, as Remy instantly sat up straighter, as if he had just been given a mission that he would be damned to not fail. And this was most certainly one thing that he would try his damnest to do one hundred percent perfectly, all for Dee. “Of course we would darling, like we would make you go back by yourself!” 

The other man squeezed Dee’s hand reassuringly, the understanding look and warm smile being all that he would ever need from the both of them. “We’ll be with you every step of the way, we won’t let you have a second alone with them if you don’t want to be.” 

With that being said, Deceit stiffly nodded his head. He wasn’t sure when he’d go back, or if he’d even do it within this year. But… he would, he’d face them and get everything off of his chest, he would hide anymore and he wouldn’t lie about the things that he felt. So long as he had Emile and Remy with him… he could do just about anything he set his mind to. 

That was for damn sure.


	10. Chapter 10

The scissors glided neatly under the string holding the black and yellow fabric together, and with each snip, the two items became further and further detached under Deceit’s hand. He wasn’t sorry to see it go, his old uniform was a part of his past, a past that he would be determined not to cling to any longer. His eyes stared down at it, at the caplet that he had worn almost religiously when he had still lived with them, it looked nothing like how he remembered it, it had been such a long time since he had first brought it with him on his journey. 

It had been so long since-

“Whatcha doin?” A quick peck to his cheek roused him from his internal thoughts as he gripped a little section of fabric in his hand, balling it up so that neither he nor Emile would have to look at it. But even so, he softened under the feeling of those hands rubbing along his shoulders, massaging them in an attempt to chase away whatever was stressing him so much. Ordinarily, it would have worked like a charm, and he would have easily melted under Emile’s nimble and expert fingers. Today though… today was not a day that he could do such a thing, especially given what he had deftly decided on what to do. There would be no way for him to relax, not until it was completely done and over with. 

And Emile knew that, and Remy as well. 

Nevertheless, he smiled back before returning the quick kiss to his partner’s cheek. “Proving a point mostly,” He explained, of course, they knew about him and they knew about everything that it entailed, even if they didn’t understand how he could even be there in the first place. But nevertheless they tried to understand, “I was given this when I figured out who I was to Thomas, and how I could best help him. Now that I’m here with you.. and with Remy…” The sunglasses-wearing man sipped even louder from his cup acknowledging Dee’s words. “I don’t need it anymore.” 

The fabric burned in his hand, as if reminding him just what it stood for. And for what he no longer did. 

It was easy to put on a grin, and it was even easier to pretend that nothing was bothering him as he got ready, looking into the mirror of the bedroom the entire time. 

He had changed in the year and a half he had been gone. 

He was constantly tucking his ever-growing and longer hair behind his ears, no longer limiting it to the short haircut that Thomas always had. He looked tired, the weary lines of stress finally showing on his face, especially now that he wasn’t constantly hiding his stress like he had been with the other sides. He was free to be tired, to be cranky, and to just be sleepy when he wanted to be, and he was free to show all of those emotions without fearing scorn and hate from others. Even his wardrobe had changed, as he steadily adopted more and more of Remy and Emile into his everyday attire. The occasional pin there, couple with a black jean jacket with various patches all over it, some that ranged from cartoons, to just straight up anarchy. 

He liked his new look if he was being honest, and he really was. 

Zipping up his boots, he took one last look in the mirror. Back at the tired, sneaky, but overall happy man that reflected back at him. It didn’t hurt to smile back at himself, and it didn’t hurt when he didn’t see the scales on his face. 

He was ready to do this, it had been a long time coming. 

The patch burned in Dee’s pocket as he stood before the door, squeezing both Emile’s and Remy’s hands as they stood protectively next to him. Remy, in all of his wisdom, had equipped himself with pepper spray, even though he and Emile had argued for over an hour about him not needing it. It had ended with Remy taking it anyway as a ‘just in case’ precautionary measure, as Emile merely ended up clutching his keys the entire walk to the door. It was pretty easy to tell that the both of them were nervous, not for themselves of course, but nervous for him and just how this whole thing would turn out in the end. Emile couldn’t help but to pick at the ends of his fading pink hair once they reached the door, while Remy scratched at the scars hidden under his sunglasses. 

And yet… 

Dee hesitated as he raised his hand, separating it from Remy’s intense grasp, to hover right over the door primed and ready to knock. He didn’t know why he hesitated, there weren’t any wildly irrational thoughts that ran through his head, it was like.. like time itself had stopped. Waiting for Dee to knock and get everything over with so that it could explode in his face. Would it explode in his face? How had everything changed since he’d been gone? Would they..would they skip the pleasantries and just… attack him? Would they-

A gentle touch to his wrist garnered Dee’s attention, forcing his eyes from the bland wooden door back to Remy.

The man grimaced, how could he not with what was about to happen, before he offered his partner a rather tightlipped smile. “It’s okay,” He finally said his expression grim and serious, as if he was attending someone’s funeral instead of a get-together. “Whenever you want to go, we can, no ifs or buts. We’ll leave.” 

Emile nervously bobbed his head in agreement, “I’ll pick you up and run out of this house if it comes down to it,” He nervously laughed, attempting to break the tension that was so thick and palpable you could cut it with a butter knife. “I played a sport when I was in college, I’ll push them out of the way if it comes down it!” Now that garnered a laugh from the both of them, they all knew Emile hadn’t played football since his junior year in college, but regardless… the sentiment was there in all of its glory. 

Even so, Dee couldn’t say a word as he instead nodded his head, turning back to the door with his fist raised and trembling every couple of seconds. Squeezing his eyes shut, he finally slammed his knuckles against the wood so hard that the pain lanced up his hand and reddened his knuckles. It hurt, but there was no doubt about the residents inside hearing such a sound from inside, he honestly hadn’t held back as embarrassing as it was. 

But even so, he waited with bated breath as the sound of shuffling from the other side was heard getting closer and closer to the door. He could remember the layout of the house, as if he had left just yesterday. A straight shot to the door from the living room where they usually-

“Deceit?” 

The door had opened, and stood in the doorway was Thomas, looking like he hadn’t changed at all since the last time that Dee had seen him. The same short haircut, that star covered shirt, and those open and honest eyes that told him just about everything. Of course, the gaping open in just the purest of shock and awe certainly didn’t hurt, he couldn’t help but to almost smile back at him. At his old host, and at the one he had been so damned concerned with trying to help, just the sight of him made a soft kind of warmth blossom inside of him, along with the smile on his face. 

At least until he saw the others peering from behind Thomas, their own faces reflecting wildly varying emotions. 

Confusion. 

Hope. 

Anger. 

And finally… there it was. 

Guilt. 

“Hello,” The word didn’t come out as smoothly as he may have wished, he was sure that the others saw right through his emotionless facade as easily as they saw through Logan’s. But even if that was the case, he was in way too deep now, they had seen him with Remy and Emile no less so there was no going back now, even if he had wanted to. “May we come in? I promise that we won’t stay long.”


	11. Chapter 11

Deceit felt the weight settling on his chest the moment that he stepped inside of Thomas’ house before he saw it, as two sinewy arms wrapped themselves tightly around Dee’s chest and nearly squeezed the life out of him. For a second he lost his ability to breathe as he blindly patted the back of whoever was strangle-hugging him so tightly, however his very touch seemed to have the opposite effect, as instead of releasing him, the hands held him even tighter than before as his shoulder started to get suspiciously wet in the few seconds that he had been held. 

“Dee Dee!” Dee softened slightly at the sound of Remus’ voice, everything inside of him turning warm at the revelation of just who was hugging him so tightly. “You’re back! I didn’t think that you’d be coming back, not after you left! I missed you so much.” It was the truth, that much was blatantly obvious, Remus never lied, ever. And here he was, spilling his emotional guts right in front of everyone, even Thomas who seemed to stare at Remus in a combination of complete and utter awe and shock. “I missed you like a bullet misses a brain snake mom-ba.” 

There he was, that was the demented sense of creativity that Dee knew. 

“Yeah… I’m here,” The emotions pressed against his throat, making even those words a struggle to even get out, he had missed Remus as well, more than any of the others could possibly know and more than they would ever be allowed to know. His hand neatly smoothed back Remus’ chaotic curls, a futile task but one that lulled the both of them before Dee was forced to make himself let go of the creative side, and finish what he was going to say to the other sides. “I’m here Rem-Ram…” 

Speaking of the others though…

Turning his gaze upon them, his eyes almost instantly hardened like red hot steel being dipped into water, he had come here for a purpose, and he was going to see that purpose through. “Where is my replacement?” The very moment that the words left his lips it was almost stupidly easy to see the difference between Dee talking to Remus… and Dee talking to a group of people who had never once given him the time of day no matter how much he had begged them to. Even Thomas looked uncomfortable as he averted his gaze down to the floor, “What I am about to say is for everyone to hear, even him. So bring him here, now.” 

Virgil didn’t even hesitate to step forward, a dark glowering look of anger on his face, as the rush of heated words left his mouth before he could even think them over. “Why should we-” 

“If you want me gone, then I suggest you do what I ask for Anxiety.” 

Dee’s words stung like a sharp slap to the face, as Virgil’s mouth hung open for a moment. Even when he had been playing the bad guy, and even after Virgil had left… Deceit had always used his name and never his title. But… seeing the cold fury that was settled upon Deceit’s features like a carefully crafted mask, he couldn’t help but to feel an acute discomfort squirming inside of him. This Deceit wasn’t playing by the rules anymore, hell… he hadn’t been playing by the rules since he had run away from them all. This Deceit… was one that had found a purpose outside of Thomas, and had been content with it, if his two partners were anything to go by. It made that squirming sensation, feel like maggots.

“Fine,” Virgil blandly muttered, and with none of the grandiose that the other sides had, he raised his hand summoning Deceit to their location. 

Silver scales glimmered in the lighting of Thomas’ living room, speckling over the pale face and over the slope of his nose like a cluster of starlit freckles as a pair of pale fish eyes stared back at the others. This new Deceit remained huddled inside of the cloak that he wore, his head bowed and his eyes never lingering for too long on the other sides. At least, not until his gaze had shifted to Deceit. A swell of emotions swept over the fish scaled side, like a tsunami destroying everything in its path, for a solid minute this new Deceit didn’t know how to feel. There was his predecessor, the one who had come before him and run from his responsibilities, but also… the one who most likely knew him better than all of the others combined. 

He.. didn’t know what to feel. 

Was he supposed to laugh evilly, or spit in the others face? Maybe he was supposed to act like Anxiety did and pretend to hate the old Deceit. Should he remain emotionless like Logic pretended to do? Or but on a show of arrogance like Creativity liked to fake it. Maybe he should act like Morality and..and…All of those thoughts went out the window as soon as Dee moved closer to him, his hands coming up to cup both of his cheeks. 

“Look at you,” Dee softly breathed, his mismatched eyes showing for everyone to see just the purest kind of softness when it came to the new Deceit. “You’re perfect, your scales are beautiful, and look at those eyes. Magnificent. You’re gorgeous. ” 

The skin around the silver fishy scales burned a deep red, and soon enough Dee’s laugh echoed around the living room. This new Deceit wasn’t quite sure how to take that, most of the other sides didn’t have animalistic features, he had seen the others grimace upon seeing him for the first time, so being called this… beautiful, it was an entirely new experience. 

Dee’s laugh stopped dead, leaving an abrupt and chilling silence in the wake of his joyful noise. 

His eyes, shadowed with serious glowered at every single side except Remus. He looked dead serious at that moment, as if he could kill as soon as one of them said a single word. “He is not to be your villain.” Dee snarled, his hand gingerly patting the scaled cheek of the new Deceit. “Any Deceit before or after him will no longer be your villain to play the blame game with. You can either listen, or you can deal with the consequences with a zipped lip. Because I tried to warn you before, didn’t I?” Dee slowly stepped away from the new Deceit, his edges only slightly softened as the other side attempted to hook his fingers around the hem of Dee’s jacket. Already they had done a shitty job of listening to the little one, making him latch onto whoever showed him love and support. 

It filled Dee with an ungodly amount of rage. 

Digging into his pocket, Dee pulled the piece of fabric out with a clenched fist before he opened it right in front of Thomas. His patch, the two-headed hissing snake fluttered to the lazily to the ground like the first fallen leaf of autumn. His scalding eyes made the others completely and utterly speechless as Remy and Emile watched approvingly from the sidelines. Silently egging him on, and urging him to spill everything that had been piling and piling for who knew how long against the people who just wouldn’t listen when he had needed them to. 

“I am not yours any longer,” He hissed sharply, making Thomas rear back as if he had just been slapped. “I am not your friend, I am not your acquaintance, and I am not even your associate. You don’t know me, because you never bothered to try and get to know me. I. Am. Not. Yours.” Each word soon became punctuated with a rough jab to Thomas’ chest, he didn’t even realize until the silent Deceit tugged on the back of his jacket, offering him a handkerchief that tears had begun to pour down his face like the fresh spring rains after the chilly winter. His breathing hitched as he struggled to keep down each sob that wanted to burst like a water balloon that had been filled beyond its capacity. He ended up taking the offered handkerchief, mopping the tears up from his eyes.

“I...I..” Thomas stammered, completely and utterly at a loss for words. What exactly could he say to everything that Dee had laid out before him? He had practically disowned himself from Thomas and the other sides, Thomas could still feel the eyes of Dee’s patch staring up at him from the ground. 

Judging him. 

“And,” Dee’s body reeled with yet another repressed sob, “I will be back, not for you… and most certainly not for your ‘light sides’... but to check up on MY family. Because if you.. If any of you have been treating them bad, I won’t hesitate to take them from you. Understand?” He glowered back at all of them, some of them had hurt him less than others… but honestly, that didn’t matter right now. If they wanted forgiveness right now, they’d earn it, and so far… none of them had even come close to doing so. “Understand?” Dee snapped again.

He wouldn’t be leaving until he got this one thing through Thomas’ skull, even if his host didn’t care about anything else… he needed to understand this. 

Logan stepped forward, remaining unflinching to Dee’s searing gaze that really could have melted metal at this point. “Dec-

“It’s Dillian,”

Logan took a deep breath before slowly nodding his head in acceptance, “Dillian…” He looked Dee right in the eyes as he spoke. “I swear to you, that they will both be taken care of. We will listen, and we will care for them like they are our family and nothing less. We will love them as our own, and should any of the others break that vow…” The logical side paused for a moment, before extending his hand to Dee, “Then I personally will see them to you, and tell you exactly what happened. I swear on it… as Thomas’ facet of Logic and Reasoning.” 

For a long moment, Dee did nothing but stare at Logan’s offered hand, he and Logan hadn’t been the closest, not by any stretch of the imagination. But looking at his hand, and then back up at his eyes… Dee could see only the truth shining through and looking right back at him, he could trust him. 

Without a single word being spoken between them, Dee clasped Logan’s hands in a firm shake, before releasing it. 

Their pact had been sealed… and Dee was finally free to leave.


End file.
